Your child and unusual experiences

It may have crept up slowly. Your son stopped sleeping at night. He keeps his door shut and talks quietly when no one is there. Or your daughter has become sure that people at college are watching her. She checks the windows and will not touch her phone. You try to talk, and it turns into a fight, or into silence.

Some young people begin to hear or see things that others do not. Some come to hold a strong belief that no one else shares, and nothing will shake it. To them, these experiences can feel very real. Noticing the change early is one of the most useful things a parent can do.

The clinical name you may hear for experiences like these is psychosis, or a first episode. Only a doctor can say whether that applies to your child. This booklet will help you understand the change and respond well.

She did nothing wrong. What Sunita is seeing has a pattern: lost sleep, pulling away, fear, and a belief that will not move. That pattern is a reason to see a doctor soon, not a reason for shame. Some families try prayer or a healer first. You can keep your faith and still take your child to a doctor.

Here is a simple way to picture it. Part of the chance of these experiences is inherited, so some people are born more open to them. On top of that, heavy stress, lost sleep, a painful event or drugs such as cannabis can trigger them in some people.

The name you may hear for this picture is the stress-vulnerability model. In plain words, your child is living with a sensitive mind under too much load, not a choice and not a punishment.

It is also not your fault. Many parents quietly blame themselves for being too strict, too soft or too busy. But a very large study of families found that the home children share plays a much smaller part than inherited factors. And nobody chooses the genes they pass on. Hold on to three plain truths. You did not cause it. You cannot cure it alone. But you can help, a great deal.

This is why scolding and arguing rarely help. A young person in the grip of these experiences often does not see that they are not real, and may feel frightened. Pressure can add to that fear.

In many of our homes the verdict comes fast. He is spoiled. Someone has done black magic. Get him married and he will settle. Log kya kahenge, what will people say? These words are wrong. Your child is not a family shame. They are a young person with a health problem that responds to help.

When your child says the neighbours are listening, every part of you wants to prove them wrong. That is natural. But arguing tends to end in a fight, and your child may stop telling you things. Research, mostly with adults, links a lot of criticism or hostility at home with more relapses. Family work seems to help families bring this down. You do not have to agree with the belief to stand beside the person.

Here is what that can sound like. "That sounds really frightening. I can see how scared you are." Or: "I do not see it the way you do. But I believe it feels real to you, and I am on your side." Then move gently to what you can share. "You have not slept for days. Can we work on that first?"

Keep the house simple while your child is unwell. Speak one at a time. Keep the TV, the noise and the visitors low. Avoid criticism, teasing and long lectures.

Two more things matter a great deal: sleep and cannabis. Lack of sleep can be one trigger for these experiences. Help your child keep regular times for sleeping, waking and eating. When sleep starts to slip, tell the doctor early.

Cannabis, also called ganja, charas, bhang or weed, needs a plain word. People who keep using it after these experiences begin are more likely to have them come back than people who stop. Alcohol and other drugs can also make things worse.

Doctors may offer something called family intervention, or family work. Over three months to a year, a trained clinician meets the family, with your child where possible. You learn about these experiences, the treatments and ways to support your child. You practise solving everyday problems as a team, including what to do if a hard spell returns. Studies, mostly with adults, suggest family work may mean fewer relapses and hospital stays. UK guidance for young people says every family should be offered it.

Go in as a teammate, not as someone on trial. A good team does not blame the family. They see you as the people who know your child best, and who will be there long after any appointment ends.

Parents in your place carry broken sleep, constant worry and a grief that is hard to name. You may be mourning the plans you had for your child. You may feel shame, then guilt for feeling it. None of this means you are weak. Support for the parent is part of the care, not a luxury on top of it. UK guidance asks the team to consider parents' own support needs in a crisis, and to support them if their child is admitted.

Your own body needs the basics too. Eat, sleep when you can, and take short breaks. Share the night watch with someone else. A rested parent finds it easier to stay calm.

In a joint family the pressure can multiply. Your in-laws or relatives may blame your parenting. Some may want to hide it. Others may push marriage, a healer or a stricter hand. You do not have to win every argument. A short, steady line helps: "The doctor is helping us, and we are following a plan."

Care usually has several parts working together. These may include medicines a psychiatrist may suggest, a talking therapy made for these experiences, family work, and help getting back to college or work. In some countries, an early-help team, called an early intervention service, brings these parts together.

Reaching out early matters: UK guidance says a young person with these experiences should see a specialist without delay. Where there is no such team near you, a psychiatrist can still bring the parts together. Asking for help is not giving up on your child. It is the opposite.

What about medicines? For a first episode, they are usually one part of the plan, used alongside talking therapy and family work. They should be started by a specialist or on a specialist's advice, not bought over the counter. Like any medicine, they can have side effects, such as weight gain, drowsiness or shaking. A good doctor explains these, checks for them, and adjusts the plan with you.

Most days, your job is to stay close and keep in touch with the doctor. But people going through these experiences have a higher than average risk of self-harm and suicide. If you see the signs below, or think your child may be at risk, get urgent help. It is better to seek help you did not need than to miss a moment that mattered.

If you are worried about suicide, ask directly and calmly: "Are you having thoughts of ending your life?" Asking does not put the idea in their head. Stay with your child and keep your voice low. Reduce access to things that could be used to hurt themselves. In immediate danger, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital emergency. For support and advice at any hour, call Tele-MANAS, the free government mental-health helpline, on 14416.