Saathi ki guide
NeurodivergenceKisi autistic insaan se pyaar karna
Kisi autistic vayask ke saathi ke liye ek garm, kaam ki guide: chuppi aur routine ka asal matlab kya hai, aur ek-doosre se chookne ke bajaay beech mein kaise milein.
Aap unse pyaar karte hain, aur phir bhi lagta hai ki aapko koi dekh nahi raha
Agar aap kisi autistic saathi se pyaar karte hain aur aksar lagta hai ki aapko koi dekh nahi raha, to na aap kahin chook rahe hain aur na ve. Aap do aise log hain jinke dimaag alag-alag tareeke se kaam karte hain, aur aap ek-doosre se aise chookte hain jise samjha bhi ja sakta hai aur badla bhi.
Shayad aap ishaare mein bataate hain ki aap pareshaan hain, aur unhein pata hi nahi chalta. Shayad ve ek poori shaam chup reh jaate hain aur aapko lagta hai ki darwaaza band kar diya gaya. Shayad koi yojna badal jaaye aur ve uske saath mud hi na paayein, ya koi party unhein nichod de jabki aap aur rukna chaahte the. Aap ek-doosre se pyaar karte hain, aur phir bhi baar-baar ek hi deewaar ke do alag-alag taraf ja khade hote hain.
Shuruaat mein hi ek baat thaame rakhne layak hai. Zyadatar autistic vayask pyaar bhare rishte chaahte bhi hain aur nibhaate bhi hain, aur ek joda kitna khush hai yeh is par tika hota hai ki ve ek-doosre ko kitna samajhte hain, is par nahi ki autistic saathi kitna kam autistic hai. Maqsad apne saathi ko theek karna nahi hai. Maqsad hai ek-doosre se chookna band karna.
Yeh kitaab kisi par koi label nahi lagaati. Yeh aapko yeh dekhne mein madad karti hai ki aap dono ke beech asal mein kya ho raha hai, aur ve chhote badlaav kaun se hain jo is faasle ko kam kar dete hain.
Anjali aur Kabir ki shaadi ko chaar saal ho gaye hain. Kabir autistic hain. Ek lambe din ke baad ve ghar aate hain aur seedhe apne kamre mein chale jaate hain, kaanon par headphone, baat mushkil se ek-do shabd. Anjali, jo poore din unhein yaad karti rahin, khud ko dhakela hua mehsoos karti hain, to ve unke peechhe jaati hain, poochti hain ki kya hua, phir se poochti hain. Kabir, jo pehle se hi khaali chal rahe hain, ghira hua mehsoos karte hain aur aur zyada band ho jaate hain. Raat tak dono ko lagta hai ki unse pyaar nahi kiya gaya, aur kisi ko wajah pata nahi.
Yahan in dono mein se koi khalnaayak nahi hai. Anjali judaav ki taraf haath badha rahi hain. Kabir khud ko phir se bharne ki taraf haath badha rahe hain. Ve isliye nahi takra rahe ki unhone ek-doosre se pyaar karna chhod diya. Ve isliye ek-doosre se chook rahe hain kyunki kisi ne kabhi unhein bataya hi nahi ki unke dono dimaagon ki banaavat kitni alag hai.
Is hafte ka koi ek pal yaad kijiye jab aapko laga ki aapko baahar kar diya gaya ya dhakel diya gaya. Uska matlab tay karne se pehle khud se poochiye: kya ho sakta hai ki mere saathi par sab kuch bhaari pad gaya ho, na ki unki dilchaspi hi na rahi ho? Is sawaal ko ek din ke liye khula chhod dijiye.
Yeh faasla dono taraf se hai, koi thanda dil nahi
Aap dono ke beech ka yeh faasla dono taraf se baraabar hai. Autistic aur gair-autistic log ek-doosre ko dono taraf se galat padhte hain; baat yeh nahi ki aapke saathi mein bhaavna ki kami hai, aur yeh bhi nahi ki aap zaroorat se zyada maang rahe hain.
Saalon tak kaha jaata raha ki autistic logon mein doosron ka man samajhne ki kshamta kam hoti hai. Sach isse kahin zyada dotarfa hai. Jab shodhkartaon ne logon se ek kahaani aage badhaane ko kaha, to autistic logon ne doosre autistic logon ko acchi tarah samjha, aur gair-autistic logon ne aapas mein ek-doosre ko acchi tarah samjha; sabse zyada nuksaan mili-juli jodiyon mein hua. Mushkil aap dono ki banaavat ke beech mein rehti hai, aap dono mein se kisi ek ke andar nahi.
To jab aapka saathi aapka ishaara nahi pakadta, to yeh aamtaur par thandapan nahi hota. Jo ishaara aapko bilkul saaf lagta hai, wah ek aisi bhaasha mein likha hai jise unka dimaag apne aap nahi padhta, aur ulti taraf bhi yahi sach hai. Aap jaise jodon mein asli atkanein sach mein yahi hoti hain, baatcheet aur ek-doosre ki bhaavnaon ko padh paana, aur jo jode accha chalte hain ve wahi hain jo ek-doosre ki taakat par tek lagaate hain aur baatein saaf-saaf keh dete hain.
- Din bhar mask pehne aur sab kuch sambhalte hue, aapka saathi thaka-haara ghar lautta hai.
- Ve chup ho jaate hain aur khud ko phir se bharne ke liye thoda peechhe hat jaate hain.
- Aap us chuppi ko doori samajh lete hain, aur aur zyada haath badhaate hain.
- Pehle se hi bhare hue, ve aur peechhe hat jaate hain, aur shaam haath se nikal jaati hai.
Isse nikalne ka raasta yeh nahi ki aap isi chakra ke andar aur zyada koshish karein. Raasta yeh hai ki kisi shaant din, saath baithkar, is chakra ko zor se naam diya jaaye, aur tay kiya jaaye ki aap dono mein se har koi kya alag karega: ek saaf sanket jiska matlab ho "mujhe chuppi chahiye, tumse doori nahi", aur ek aisa waqt jo sirf aap dono ke phir se judne ke liye bachaakar rakha jaaye, jab ve bhar chuke hon.
Main usse door nahi ja raha tha. Main khud ko phir se bhar raha tha taaki mere paas use dene ke liye kuch bacha rahe.
Kabir, 32
Koi ek ishaara chuniye jis par aap aksar bharosa karte hain, ek aah, ek mood, ek chuppi, aur is hafte ek baar uski jagah ek seedha-saada vaakya rakhiye: "Mujhe abhi aisa-aisa mehsoos ho raha hai, aur mujhe tumse yeh chahiye." Phir dekhiye ki kya yeh behtar pahunchta hai.
Sustaane ka waqt thukraana nahi hai
Bahut se autistic vayask poore din khud ko ek aisi duniya mein sambhale rakhte hain jo unke liye bani hi nahi, aur ghar lautte hain to sambhalne ke liye unhein chuppi chahiye hoti hai. Sustaane ka wah waqt unke phir se bharne ka tareeka hai, is baat ki nishani nahi ki unhein kam parwaah hai.
Baahar ki duniya mein aapka saathi shayad mask kar raha hota hai: theek dikhne ke liye mehnat karna, theek utni hi der aankhein milaana, aur us shor aur halki-phulki baatcheet ko sambhalna jo unse usse kahin zyada vasoolti hai jitna kisi ko dikhta hai. Masking sach mein mehnat ka kaam hai, aur yeh thaka deti hai. Ghar pahunchte-pahunchte aksar tanki khaali ho chuki hoti hai.
Jab bojh bina kaafi raahat ke jama hota chala jaaye, to yeh ek gehri thakan mein badal sakta hai, jise kabhi-kabhi autistic burnout kehte hain, jahan aam-si cheezein bhi bahut zyada lagne lagti hain. Isse ubarne mein jo madad karta hai wah hai sweekaar kiya jaana, ek shaant ghar jo kam maangta ho, aur yeh ijaazat ki ve mask utaarkar bas khud bane reh sakein. Sabse pyaar bhari cheez jo aap de sakte hain, wah hai ek aisi jagah jahan unhein kuch bankar dikhaana na pade.
Kisi acche din apne saathi se poochiye: "Mushkil din ke baad tumhein phir se bharne mein kya madad karta hai, aur mujhe kaise pata chalega ki tumhein uski zaroorat hai?" Phir use jaan-boojhkar apni shaamon mein jagah dijiye.
Indriyon ki duniya, aur uske saath chalna
Ek autistic saathi ke liye rozmarra ki aawaazein, roshni, kapdon ki banaavat aur bheed sach mein bhaari pad sakti hain. Yeh asli hai aur yeh bana rehta hai; iske liye jagah banaana dekhbhaal hai, nakhra nahi.
Indriyon ka yeh farq autism ka ek buniyaadi hissa hai, koi aisi aadat nahi jo bade hokar apne aap chhoot jaayegi. Jo restaurant aapko josh se bhara lagta hai, wah unhein takleef de sakta hai. Ek khurduri kameez, ek timtimaati tubelight, ek shor bhara function, ye chhoti-moti shikaayatein nahi hain; yeh ek tantrika tantra hai jo usse zyada andar le raha hai jitna wah thaam sakta hai.
Jab aap unki indriyon ko dhyaan mein rakhkar yojna banaate hain, to aap unhein sir nahi chadha rahe, aap wah keemat hata rahe hain jo ve poore din chukaate hain. Ek zyada shaant mez, kisi shor bhare kaaryakram se nikalne ki taiyaari, bina kuch kahe headphone, sasural waalon ke aane se pehle ek ishaara: ye chhote badlaav kehte hain, "Mujhe dikhta hai ki yeh duniya tum par kaise padti hai, aur main tumhaare saath hoon."
Koi ek jagah ya ek mauka chuniye jo aapke saathi par aksar bhaari padta hai. Is hafte saath milkar usmein ek badlaav tay kijiye, koi zyada shaant kona, kam der rukna, nikalne ke liye ek sanket, aur phir dekhiye ki shaam kaisi beetti hai.
Pul dono taraf se banaana
Aisa rishta jismein do dimaag alag-alag tareeke se kaam karte hain, tab sabse accha chalta hai jab aap dono thoda-thoda badlein, sirf ek nahi. Aapka kaam na khud ko unki duniya ke hisaab se dhaal dena hai aur na unhein apni duniya ke hisaab se, balki ek saajha duniya banaana hai.
Jo jode phalte-phoolte hain, ve wo nahi hain jinmein autistic saathi sabse zyada mask karta hai. Ve wo hain jo ek-doosre ko samajhte hain aur ek-doosre ki taakat ke hisaab se chalte hain. To pul dono taraf se banaaiye.
Jaise hi Anjali ko yeh phir se bharne waali baat samajh aayi, cheezein badal gayin. Kabir ko ghar aate hi apna aadha ghanta chuppi ka milta hai, koi sawaal nahi, aur uske baad ve saath chai peete hain aur sach mein baat karte hain. Ab Anjali jo kehna hota hai wah shabdon mein keh deti hain, is ummeed mein nahi rehtin ki ve khud bhaanp lenge. Kabir bhi gaayab hone ki jagah saaf-saaf bata dete hain ki ve apni had ke paas pahunch rahe hain. Kuch din ab bhi gadbad hote hain. Par ab ve ek team ki tarah gadbad karte hain, ajnabiyon ki tarah nahi.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Un cheezon par tek lagaaiye jinmein aapka saathi aksar bahut accha hota hai: imaandaari, wafaadaari, gehraai, insaaf ka ehsaas, aur un cheezon se pyaar jo aap dono saajha karte hain. Aur jo mushkil hai uske liye jagah banaaiye: baat saaf aur thos shabdon mein kahiye, kisi badlaav se pehle bata dijiye, yeh ummeed mat rakhiye ki ishaare padh liye jaayenge, aur routine ya chuppi ki zaroorat ko apni ahmiyat par koi faisla mat samjhiye. Aur apna bhi khyaal rakhiye, kyunki uljhan ko akele dhona aapko ghista hai; samajh lena, andaaza lagaate rehne se kahin halka hai.
Is hafte ek saajha niyam tay kijiye jo aap dono ke kaam aaye, jaise: hum baatein seedhe shabdon mein kahenge, aur hum mein se har ek ko khud ko phir se bharne ka apna tareeka milega. Use kahin aisi jagah likh dijiye jahan aap dono ko dikhe.
Madad kab leni hai, saath milkar
Aapko apne rishte ko akele nahi suljhaana hai. Samajh madad karti hai, aur kabhi-kabhi baahar se mili sahi madad, kisi aise insaan se jo autistic dimaagon ko sach mein samajhta ho, usse bhi zyada madad karti hai.
Agar wahi choten baar-baar ghoomkar lautti rahein, ya aap dono mein se kisi ek ko, ya dono ko, is shaadi ke andar akelaapan lage, to yeh gambheerta se lene layak hai, aur madad maangna koi naakami nahi hai. Ek aise counsellor jo autistic aur gair-autistic, dono tarah ke dimaagon ko samajhte hon, aap dono ko ek saajha bhaasha banaane mein madad kar sakte hain, taaki aap mein se kisi ek ko apna asli roop chhodna na pade.
Madad ki taraf haath badhaana is baat ki nishani nahi ki rishta toot chuka hai. Yeh do logon ka yeh tay karna hai ki yeh rishta itni mehnat ke layak hai. Aapke saathi ko kisi ilaaj ki zaroorat nahi hai, aur aapko bhi nahi. Jo madad karta hai wah hai dono taraf se samajh, aur kuch imaandaar badlaav jo aap saath milkar karte hain.
Yaad rakhiye
Ek acche counsellor aapke saathi ko aisi samasya ki tarah nahi dekhenge jise theek karna hai. Ve aap dono ko ek-doosre ko samajhne aur beech mein milne mein madad karenge, aur is baat ka sammaan karenge ki aapke saathi ka dimaag alag hai, toota hua nahi. Aap ek team hain jo kuch auzaar dhoondh rahi hai, koi mareez aur koi theek karne waala nahi.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Asli pattern lekar jaaiye, sirf pichhli ladai nahi: ye chooken kab hoti hain, us waqt aap dono mein se har ek ko kya mehsoos hota hai, aur aap ab tak kya-kya aazma chuke hain. Jodon ke saath kaam karne waale ek acche counsellor ko theek yahi chahiye hota hai. Aur yeh yaad rakhiye ki aur zyada nazdeeki chaahna koi had se baahar ki maang nahi hai; yahi to poori wajah hai ki aap yeh padh rahe hain.
Do dimaag jo apne aap ek-doosre se chook jaate hain, ve jaan-boojhkar beech mein milna seekh sakte hain.
Aaj raat apne saathi ko ek baat bataaiye jo unke dimaag ke kaam karne ke tareeke mein aapko sach mein acchi lagti hai, aur unse ek cheez poochiye jo unka din thoda aasaan bana de. Chhoti baat, imaandaar baat, dono taraf se. Bas yahi poora abhyaas hai.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Aur padhne ke liye
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.