Bhai-behen ki guide
NeurodivergenceAapka bhai-behen aur ADHD
ADHD wale kisi apne ke bhai ya behen ke liye ek garm, seedhi guide: ghar us taraf kyun jhuka, jo bojh aapne chupchaap uthaaya, aur khud ko khoye bina unke saath kaise rahein.
Woh jise aasaan bane rehna pada
Agar aap ek aise bhai ya behen ke saath bade hue jise zyada chahiye tha, aur aap shaant rehne wale ban gaye, madad karne wale, woh jo aur shor nahi badhaata, to yeh kitaabcha aapke liye hai. Ismein se kuch bhi aapka veham nahi tha.
Ho sakta hai aapka bhai khaane ki mez par tikkar baith hi na paata ho. Ho sakta hai aapki behen kitaabein bhool jaati ho, aapa kho deti ho, homework par poori tarah bikhar jaati ho, aur poora ghar usi ke ird-gird jhuk jaata ho. Aapne bahut jaldi ghar ka mausam padhna seekh liya. Aapne chup ho jaana seekha, madad karna seekha, aur ek aur mushkil na banna seekha.
ADHD wale bhai ya behen ke saath bada hona aapke dinon aur aapki bhaavnaaon par saccha asar daalta hai. Bahut se bhai-behen aakhir mein madad ka zyada kaam utha lete hain, maata-pita ka zyada waqt aur dhyaan doosre bachche ki taraf jaate dekhte hain, aur is sab ko lekar bhaavnaaon ki ek uljhan saath liye chalte hain. Aap kuch gadh nahi rahe the, aur aap naatak bhi nahi kar rahe the.
Bahut se bhai-behnon ke liye yeh bhoomika bina kisi ke tay kiye aa jaati hai. Aap bas woh hain jo intezaar kar sakta hai, isliye aap intezaar karte hain. Aap woh hain jo sambhal jaata hai, isliye sambhalna aapka kaam ban jaata hai. Saalon mein, aasaan hona kuch aisa nahi reh jaata jo aap mehsoos karte hain. Woh kuch aisa ban jaata hai jo aap nibhaate hain.
Main aasaan wali thi. Saalon lag gaye yeh samajhne mein ki aasaan hone ka matlab bas itna tha ki main kuch maangti hi nahi thi.
Kavya, 17 saal
Ek aam-si cheez sochiye jo aapne ghar ki shaanti banaaye rakhne ke liye chhoti umar mein karni shuru ki thi: chup rehna, madad karna, zyada kuch na maangna. Use khud ke liye ek naam deejiye. Aapko aaj hi use theek nahi karna hai. Bas itna dekh leejiye ki aapne use uthaaya tha.
Na bura bartaav, na unki galti, na aapki
Aapke bhai-behen ka sabse mushkil bartaav is baat se aata hai ki unka dimaag dhyaan aur khud par kaabu ko kaise sambhaalta hai. Yeh ek sthiti ka hissa hai, na unki sharaarat, aur na is baat ki nishani ki aapke maata-pita unhe aapse zyada pyaar karte hain.
Ab woh baat, jisse yeh sab kuch alag mehsoos hone lagta hai. Jab aapka bhai-behen sunta nahi, beech mein bol padta hai, mann mein aate hi kar baithta hai, ya tikkar baith nahi paata, to yeh is baat se aata hai ki unka dimaag kis tarah banta hai aur dhyaan ko kaise sambhaalta hai. ADHD sehat se judi ek maani hui sthiti hai. Yeh bartaav ek lakshan hai, koi chunaav nahi, aur yeh bhi nahi ki ve ghar ke chahete hain.
Isliye jab aapke maata-pita ne unhe zyada waqt diya, zyada baar yaad dilaaya, zyada nazar rakhi, to aksar ve ek badi zaroorat ka jawab de rahe the, aapse kam pyaar nahi kar rahe the. Phir bhi, jahan aap khade the wahan se yeh gehri naainsaafi lag sakti thi. Dono baatein ek hi saath sach hain.
Kavya satrah saal ki hai. Uska bhai Dev gyaarah saal ka hai aur use ADHD hai. Saalon tak use lagta raha ki uske maata-pita bas Dev ko zyada chaahte hain. Homework mein madad use milti, sabr use milta, doosra aur teesra mauka use milta. Kavya ko milta, "tum badi ho, tum samajhti ho." Use yeh dekhne mein bahut waqt laga ki Dev ko koi aasaan zindagi nahi thamaayi ja rahi thi. Woh sachmuch kisi cheez se joojh raha tha, aur woh zyada dhyaan asal mein parivaar ki uske saath chalte rehne ki koshish thi.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Iska yeh matlab nahi ki har naainsaafi asal mein insaaf hi thi. Maata-pita bhi thak jaate hain aur khinch jaate hain, aur kabhi-kabhi taraazu sachmuch bahut der tak bahut zyada ek taraf jhuka reh jaata hai. Yeh samajh lena ki aisa kyun hua, yeh kehne jaisa nahi hai ki iski aapko koi keemat nahi chukaani padi. Aap dono baatein ek saath rakh sakte hain: yeh aap par taani gayi koi saza nahi thi, aur phir bhi us bachche ka hona mushkil tha jise kam chahiye tha.
Agli baar jab wahi puraana khayaal aaye, "ve hamesha use zyada chaahte the", to uski jagah yeh rakhkar dekhiye: "use zyada madad chahiye thi, aur yeh zyada pyaar jaisa nahi hai." Gaur keejiye ki kya aapke seene ki jakdan thodi-si bhi dheeli padti hai.
Woh vazan jo kisi ne jaan-boojhkar aapke haath mein nahi diya
Madad karna, maahaul shaant karna, umar se thoda pehle bada ho jaana: ye sacche bojh hain. Naaraazgi mehsoos karna, aur phir us naaraazgi par apraadhbodh mehsoos karna, yeh bhi utna hi saccha bojh hai. Yeh sab aam hai.
Jab kisi bhai-behen ko bahut kuch chahiye hota hai, to uske paas wala bhai ya behen aksar chupchaap ve kaam utha leta hai jo asal mein badon ke uthaane ke hain. Aap ek tarah ke doosre maata-pita ban gaye honge, shaanti banaaye rakhne wale, apne bhai-behen aur baaki ghar ke beech baat pahunchaane wale. Is jagah par khade bahut se bhai-behen ek mushkil milaavat mehsoos karte hain: tanaav, chinta, kabhi-kabhi naaraazgi, aur phir kisi joojhte insaan se naaraaz hone par apraadhbodh.
Woh apraadhbodh hi sabse beraham hissa hai. Aap unse pyaar karte hain. Aur aap thak bhi gaye, ya jalan bhi hui, ya gussa bhi aaya ki aapki apni cheezein lagaataar chhoti hoti ja rahi thin. Pyaar aur naaraazgi, dono mehsoos karna aapko bura bhai-behen nahi banaata. Yeh aapko ek saccha bhai-behen banaata hai.
- Madad karne wala: ve kaam karna aur bhai-behen ka khayaal rakhna jo asal mein badon ka kaam tha.
- Shaanti banaaye rakhne wala: khud ko chhota karte jaana taaki ghar shaant rahe.
- Chup rehne wala: apni mushkilein chhupaaye rakhna taaki aap ek aur chinta na ban jaayein.
- Apraadhbodh: kisi aise insaan se naaraaz hone par bura lagna jo sachmuch mushkil daur se guzar raha hai.
Bahut se bhaartiya gharon mein yeh bojh lagbhag dikhta hi nahi, kyunki yeh achha hone jaisa lagta hai. Zimmedaar badi behen, samajhdaar chhota bhai, woh bachcha jo kabhi shikaayat nahi karta. Rishtedaar iski tareef karte hain. Koi nahi poochhta ki iski keemat kya hai. Chhoti umar mein samajhdaar kehlaana kabhi-kabhi bas us bojh ki tareef hoti hai jo aapko uthaana hi nahi chahiye tha.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Iska ek doosra pehlu bhi hai jise naam dena theek rahega. Kuch bhai-behen isse sacchi taaqatein bhi paate hain: sabr, doosron ka dard samajhna, kamre ka mausam padh lena, ek aisa thahraav jis par dost bharosa karne lagte hain. Yeh sach ho sakta hai, aur phir bhi bojh bahut bhaari raha ho sakta hai. Aapne jo seekha uski qadar kar sakte hain, bina yeh dikhaaye ki woh muft mein mila tha.
Oopar diye chaar bojhon ko dekhiye. Jo sabse zyada aapke jaisa lage, us par nishaan lagaaiye. Phir bas khud se kahiye: ek bachche ke liye yeh bahut zyada tha. Ise maan lene se aap shikaayat nahi kar rahe.
Saath rahiye, par bhai-behen bankar
Aap apne bhai-behen se pyaar bhi kar sakte hain aur unka saath bhi de sakte hain, bina unke teesre maata-pita bane. Aapka kaam unka bhai ya behen hona hai. Ilaaj karna aur sab sambhaalna badon ka kaam hai.
Kabhi-kabhi madad karne aur kisi ki zimmedaari utha lene mein saccha farq hai. Madad yeh hai ki behen basta bhool jaaye to aap use thama dein. Zimmedaari yeh lagne lagna hai ki uska poora din aapko hi theek karna hai. Aap bhai-behen hain, maata-pita nahi, aur us had ka hona jaayaz hai.
Aapke bhai-behen ke liye jo sachmuch kaam aata hai, woh aksar aapki soch se chhota aur zyada garmjoshi wala hota hai. Ek aisa insaan hona jo unhe har waqt tokta nahi. Ve jismein achhe hain, use khulkar keh dena. Ek aise ghar mein surakshit insaan hona jo aksar ek lambi hidaayat jaisa lagta hai. Bhai-behen behtar rehte hain, aur ADHD wale bachche bhi, jab parivaar bhai ya behen ko sune jaane layak insaan ki tarah dekhta hai, na ki ek aur dekhbhaal karne wale ki tarah.
Iska yeh bhi matlab hai ki aap na keh sakte hain. Jo kaam bahut bada hai, usse aap peechhe hat sakte hain. Aap kisi maata ya pita se keh sakte hain, "mujhe Dev se pyaar hai, par uske homework ki zimmedaari mujhse nahi uthegi." Woh lakeer kheenchna apne bhai-behen ko chhod jaana nahi hai. Yeh zimmedaari ko waapas wahin rakh deta hai jahan woh hai, badon ke paas aur doctor ke paas.
Yaad rakhiye
Aapke bhai-behen ka ADHD aapne paida nahi kiya, aur aap use theek bhi nahi kar sakte. Unse pyaar karna aapka hissa hai. Uska ilaaj karna nahi. Aap sabse zyada kaam ki jo cheez ho sakte hain, woh hai ek thahra hua bhai ya behen, na ki ek bina paise, bina seekh, thaka-haara dekhbhaal karne wala.
Ek cheez sochiye jo aap abhi apne bhai-behen ke liye karte hain aur jo asal mein kisi bade ka kaam hai. Bas ek. Kalpana keejiye ki is hafte aap use narmi se kisi maata ya pita ko waapas thama rahe hain. Abhi karna zaroori nahi hai. Bas gaur keejiye ki yeh khayaal kaisa lagta hai.
Aapki zarooratein bhi sacchi hain
Yeh ghar aapne chuna nahi tha, aur sirf isliye ki kisi aur ki zarooratein zyada oonchi aawaaz mein thin, aapki zarooratein maayne rakhna band nahi ho gayin. Apna khayaal rakhna swaarth nahi hai. Yeh to pehle hi ho jaana chahiye tha.
Kahin raaste mein aapne tay kar liya hoga ki aapka kaam kuch bhi na chaahna hai. Theek rehna. Woh aasaan wala banna taaki badon ke sir par ek cheez kam rahe. Us waqt us faisle ka matlab tha. Yeh jeene ka ek bhaari tareeka bhi hai, aur yahi ek wajah hai ki ADHD wale bachchon ke bhai-behen chupchaap usse zyada chinta aur udaas mann utha sakte hain jitna kisi ko dikhta hai.
Aapki bhaavnaayein seedhe dhyaan ki haqdaar hain, isliye nahi ki aapmein kuch gadbad hai, balki isliye ki aap bhi is parivaar ke ek insaan hain. Apne liye waqt, dhyaan aur dekhbhaal chaahna apne bhai-behen se kuch chheenna nahi hai.
Sanyukt parivaar mein, jahan sab dekh rahe hote hain aur tulna kar rahe hote hain, kuch bhi maangna naashukra lage bina naamumkin lag sakta hai. Aap naashukre nahi hain. Aap ek naujawan hain jise saalon tak, narmi se, intezaar karne ko kaha gaya. Ab intezaar karna band kar dena jaayaz hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Apna khayaal rakhna chhota aur aam-sa ho sakta hai. Ek dost jo asli kahaani jaanta ho. Ek bada insaan, koi teacher, koi chachi ya mausi, koi cousin, jo sachmuch sunta ho. Koi ek cheez jo sirf aapki ho, jise ghar sambhaalne na aaye. Aaraam paane ke liye pehle kaam ka saabit hona zaroori nahi hai. Jo dekhbhaal aap lagaataar baantte rehte hain, usmein se kuch apni taraf mod lena aapka haq hai.
Main intezaar karti rahi ki koi poochhe ki main theek hoon ya nahi. Aakhir mein mujhe khud hi poochhne wali banna seekhna pada.
Kavya, 17 saal
Ek cheez ko naam deejiye jo aapko chahiye aur jiske bina aap chupchaap chalte aa rahe hain: aaraam, akele ka waqt, koi jisse baat ho sake, koi shauq jo sirf aapka ho. Ek chuniye. Is hafte kisi ek bharosemand insaan ko uske baare mein bataaiye. Yeh swaarth nahi hai. Yeh aap hain, aakhirkaar apni hi list mein.
Yeh kaam asal mein kiska hai
Aapke bhai-behen ki dekhbhaal doctor ka aur aapke maata-pita ka kaam hai, koi aisa vazan nahi jise aap akele uthaayein. Parivaar ke taur par khulkar baat karna sabka dabaav kam karta hai, aapka bhi.
Aapke bhai-behen ki sthiti akele aapko sambhaalni thi hi nahi. ADHD aisi cheez hai jise doctor, maata-pita aur school milkar sambhaalte hain, ek sacchi yojna ke saath. Jab poora parivaar samajh leta hai ki ho kya raha hai aur us par imaandaari se baat karta hai, to sabke liye cheezein aasaan hoti hain, ADHD wale bachche ke liye bhi aur uske paas wale bhai ya behen ke liye bhi.
Us imaandaari mein aap bhi shaamil hain. Aap saaf aur apni umar ke hisaab se jawab paane ke haqdaar hain: ADHD hai kya, aapka bhai-behen aisa kyun karta hai, aur yojna kya hai. Aap woh insaan hain jise bataaya jaana chahiye aur jiski suni jaani chahiye, kisi ki jagah par khada kiya gaya dekhbhaal karne wala nahi. Aise parivaar wale karyakram bhi hain jo theek isi baat par bane hain, jo bhai-behnon ko sacchi samajh dete hain aur baat kehne ka poora haq bhi.
Jis bhai ya behen ne chupchaap poore ghar ko thaame rakha, use bhi thaame jaane ka haq hai.
Ek imaandaar baat chuniye jo aap is hafte kisi maata ya pita se keh sakein, shaanti se, ladaai ki tarah nahi. Kuch aisi, "mujhe Dev ka ADHD behtar samajhna hai, aur mujhe yeh bhi chahiye ki hum is par baat karein ki yeh sab mere liye kaisa raha hai." Use apne phone mein likh leejiye. Ise zor se keh dena, ek baar bhi, woh vazan aapke oopar se hataakar waapas parivaar par rakh deta hai, jahan woh hai.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Aur padhne ke liye
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.