Saathi ki guide
NeurodivergenceADHD ke saath jee rahe kisi apne se pyaar karna
ADHD wale vayask ke pati, patni ya saathi ke liye ek garm, kaam ki guide: wahi ladai kaise rokein, bojh baantein, aur maa-baap aur bachche nahi, jodi bane rahein.
Bhooli hui yojna, wahi purani ladai
Agar chhoti-chhoti baatein baar-baar badi ladaiyon mein badal jaati hain, aur aapko lagta hai ki poora ghar bas aapne hi sambhaal rakha hai, to aap bekaar mein tokne wale insaan nahi hain aur aapka saathi jaan-boojhkar laparwaahi nahi kar raha. Kuch sach mein ho raha hai, aur uska ek naam hai.
Aapne use teen baar yaad dilaaya tha. Baat tay ho chuki thi, gharwaale intezaar kar rahe the, aur phir bhi kisi tarah wah baat haath se nikal gayi. Aapko andar gussa uthta mehsoos hota hai, aur uske peechhe ki thakan bhi. Use wah chot lagti hai aur wah chup ho jaata hai, ya paltkar jhalla uthta hai, aur raat hote-hote aap dono dukhi hote hain aur kisi ko nahi pata ki baat yahan tak pahunchi kaise. Phir se.
Bahut se jodon ki zindagi mein mushkil daur aate hain. Par jab wahi ek drishya baar-baar laute, wahi bhoola hua kaam, wahi gaayab ho gayi yojna, hafte dar hafte, to us par sirf ladne se behtar hai use samajhna. Yeh pattern ek ishaara hai, is baat ka saboot nahi ki aap dono mein se koi ek hi saari dikkat hai.
Is pattern ka aksar ek naam hota hai. ADHD, dimaag jis tarah dhyaan aur shuru kiye kaam ko poora karna sambhaalta hai, usmein ek asli aur maana hua farq hai, aur bade hone par yeh apne aap band nahi ho jaata. Aapke saathi ko yeh hai ya nahi, yeh pakke taur par sirf ek doctor hi bata sakte hain. Yeh kitaab kisi par koi label nahi lagaati. Yeh aapki madad ismein karegi ki aap is pattern ko saaf-saaf dekh sakein aur aise jawab de sakein jo sach mein kaam karta ho.
Anjali ki shaadi Rohan se hue chhe saal ho gaye hain. Wah garamjoshi waale aur mazaakiya insaan hain, kisi bhi daawat mein log apne aap unki taraf khinche chale aate hain. Par wah bhool jaate hain. Gas ka bill, Anjali ki chacheri behen ki shaadi ki taareekh, wah cheez jo wah pichhle maheene theek karwaane ka vaada kar chuke the. Anjali wahi ban gayi hai jo dono ke liye sab kuch yaad rakhti hai, aur wah thak chuki hai. Aajkal wah khud ko aisi awaaz mein tokte hue sunti hai jo use pasand nahi, aur sochti rehti hai ki wah aisi kab se ho gayi.
Wah kuch aur nahi ban gayi hai. Anjali jo dho rahi hai wah saccha hai, aur Rohan jisse jujh rahe hain wah bhi saccha hai. Aise shaadishuda bade log jinmein ek saathi ko ADHD hai, aur unke pati-patni, dono zyada takraav batate hain aur ek team ki tarah chalna unhein mushkil lagta hai, aur jis saathi ko ADHD nahi hai wah aksar chupchaap baaki sab sambhaalne lagta hai. Yeh na Anjali mein koi kami hai aur na Rohan mein koi naakami. Yeh ek pattern hai, aur pattern tab badal sakte hain jab aap unhein dekh paayein.
Do din tak, bas dekhiye, us pal mein ise uthaaye bina. Takraav kab sabse zyada badhta hai, subah ke waqt, paise ko lekar, ya ghar-parivar ke karyakramon mein? Aap dono kab aasaan aur kareeb mehsoos karte hain? Aap abhi kuch theek nahi kar rahe. Aap bas apne hi chakra ki shakl samajh rahe hain.
Yeh dimaag ki banaawat hai, "tumhein parwaah nahi" nahi
ADHD, dimaag jis tarah dhyaan, yaaddaasht aur bhaavnaon ko sambhaalta hai, usmein ek farq hai. Bhool jaana is baat ka paigaam nahi hai ki aapka saathi aapse kitna pyaar karta hai. Is samasya ko insaan se alag karna hi pehli sacchi raahat hai.
Yahi wah hissa hai jo sab kuch badal deta hai, ek baar aap dono ise maan lein. ADHD wala man apna dhyaan usi par lagaata hai jo dilchasp ya zaroori lage, aur pheeke, baar-baar dohraaye jaane wale kaamon par dhyaan tikaana uske liye mushkil hota hai, chaahe ve kaam kitne hi zaroori kyun na hon. Isliye bhooli hui saalgirah ek "dhyaan tik nahi paaya" hai, "parwaah nahi thi" nahi. Jo brake zyadatar logon ko rukne, yaad rakhne aur shuru kiya kaam poora karne mein madad karta hai, wah uske liye der se aata hai aur uski pakad dheeli rehti hai. Yeh dimaag ki banaawat hai, pyaar ki kami nahi.
Aur yeh sirf bhoolne ki baat bhi nahi hai. Tez aur jhat se aane wali bhaavnaayein bhi kai bade logon mein ADHD ki tasveer ka hissa hain. Jazbaat tezi se aa sakte hain aur zor se lag sakte hain, aur yeh is baat se aata hai ki dimaag bhaavnaon wali jaankari ko kaise sambhaalta hai, parwaah ya koshish ki kami se nahi. Jab koi chhoti si baat bade reaction mein badal jaaye, to aksar wahan yahi samasya bol rahi hoti hai, wah poora insaan nahi.
Jis din main samjhi ki unka dimaag use thaam nahi paata tha, yeh nahi ki thaamna nahi chaahta tha, us din maine har bhooli hui cheez ko is saboot ki tarah lena band kar diya ki wah mujhse pyaar nahi karte.
Anjali, 32
Yeh isliye maayne rakhta hai ki dosh kya karta hai. Jab bhoolna aisa lage ki "use parwaah nahi hai", to har chook ek chot jaisi lagti hai, aur aap aur sakht hokar khud ka bachaav karte hain. Jab yeh aisa lage ki "uske liye shuru kiya kaam poora karna mushkil hai", to aap ek-doosre ke aamne-saamne khade hone ki jagah samasya ke ek hi taraf khade ho sakte hain.
Kai Bhaartiya shaadiyon mein faisla jaldi aa jaata hai, rishtedaaron se, sasural waalon se, kabhi-kabhi aapke apne hi man ke andar se: wah gair-zimmedaar hai, wah har baat par hukum chalaati hai, dekho baaki jodon ke liye kitna aasaan hai. Wah faisla bhaari hai aur galat hai. Dikkat aap dono mein se kisi ka charitra nahi hai. Yeh dimaag ki banaawat ka ek farq hai, jise kabhi naam nahi diya gaya aur jise kabhi sahaara nahi mila.
Aur jaanna chahein to
ADHD ko insaan se alag karne ka matlab har baat ko maaf kar dena nahi hai. Bhool jaana koi khuli chhoot nahi hai, aur aap par pada bojh saccha hai aur naainsaaf bhi. Iska matlab hai ki aap ek aise charitra se ladna band kar dete hain jo aapne khud gadha tha, aur ek aisi dikkat par kaam karna shuru karte hain jise aap sach mein baant sakte hain. "Tumhare dimaag ko yeh mushkil lagta hai, aur main ise akele dhote-dhote thak gayi hoon, to chalo kuch aisa banaayein jo madad kare" ek aisa vaakya hai jiske paas aap dono khade ho sakte hain. "Tumne meri kabhi parwaah ki hi nahi" aisa vaakya nahi hai.
Agli baar jab man mein yeh khyaal aaye ki "use meri parwaah nahi hai", use pakadiye. Uski jagah yeh rakhkar dekhiye: "Is maamle mein uske liye kaam poora karna mushkil hai." Phir dekhiye ki aapke apne kandhe thode dheele padte hain ya nahi, chaahe zara se hi. Aapka thoda shaant ho jaana hi us raat ko badalne ka aadha hissa hai.
Aap kaise maa-baap aur baccha ban gaye
Zyadatar jode usi ek chakra mein phisal jaate hain: wah bhool jaata hai, aap kaam apne haath mein le lete hain, use lagta hai ki use sambhaala ja raha hai, aur aapko akelaapan lagta hai. Ise kisi ne chuna nahi. Ek baar aap is chakra ko dekh lein, to aap saath milkar isse baahar kadam rakh sakte hain.
Yeh chakra aam taur par chupchaap banta hai. Usse koi cheez chhoot jaati hai. Aap use theek karne ke liye aage badhte hain, kyunki kisi ko to karna hi hai. Use lagta hai ki use toka ja raha hai aur sambhaala ja raha hai, isliye wah peechhe hat jaata hai. Aakhir mein aap aur zyada bojh uthaane lagte hain, aur zyada akela aur chidha hua mehsoos karte hain, jab tak agli chook na ho jaaye, aur phir sab wahin se ghoom jaata hai. Ise tokna aur peechhe hat jaana wala chakra kehte hain, aur yeh do saathiyon ko maa-baap aur baccha bana deta hai.
Tez bhaavnaayein ismein aur tel daal deti hain. ADHD ke saath jazbaat tez aur garam chal sakte hain, isliye ek chhoti si yaad dilaane wali baat bhi bade reaction ki chingaari ban sakti hai, aur aapki apni jhunjhlaahat usse aadhe raaste mein hi mil jaati hai. Kuch hi minton mein ek chhoota hua kaam izzat ki, pyaar ki, aur saalon se chali aa rahi is baat ki ladai ban jaata hai. Aap dono mein se koi khalnaayak nahi hai. Aap dono ek aisi shakl mein phanse hain jo khud ko hi khuraak deti rehti hai.
- Wah bhool jaata hai, ya koi kaam adhoora chhod deta hai.
- Aap aage badhkar wah kaam apne haath mein le lete hain, aksar ek teekhi yaad dilaane wali baat ke saath.
- Use lagta hai ki use toka ja raha hai aur sambhaala ja raha hai, to wah peechhe hat jaata hai aur chup ho jaata hai.
- Aap aur zyada bojh ke saath reh jaate hain, akela aur chidha hua mehsoos karte hue, jab tak agli chook ise phir se shuru na kar de.
Chakra ko dekh lena hi usse baahar nikalne ka zyadatar hissa hai. Ise naam dene ka maqsad yeh tay karna nahi ki galti kiski hai. Har kadam agle kadam ko lagbhag apne aap hone wala bana deta hai, aur yahi wajah hai ki yahan ichhashakti aur acche iraade baar-baar naakaam hote hain. Aapke paas pyaar ki samasya nahi hai. Aapke paas ek pattern ki samasya hai, aur pattern ko badalna charitra ko badalne se kahin aasaan hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Dekhiye ki aap dono is chakra mein kahan daakhil hote hain. Uska daakhila wah chhoota hua kaam hai; aapka wah pal hai jab aap kaam apne haath mein lete hain aur jo lehja uske saath aata hai. Aap uska ADHD gaayab nahi kar sakte, par aap is kadi mein apna kadam badal sakte hain, aur akele yahi poori baat ko dheema kar sakta hai. Jab ek insaan apna roz ka hissa nibhaana band kar deta hai, to chakra ki lay toot jaati hai. Yeh use chhod dena nahi hai. Yeh apni chaal wapas apne haath mein lena hai.
Agli baar jab aapko chakra shuru hota mehsoos ho, to use dheere se, zor se bolkar naam dijiye: "Mujhe lagta hai hum phir se apne chakra mein hain." Ise saath milkar kehna, ek-doosre ki jagah ek saajha dushman ki tarah, is jaadu ko usse kahin zyada baar tod deta hai jitna aap sochenge.
Intezaam banaaiye, khud intezaam banna chhodiye
Maqsad yeh nahi hai ki aap behtar tareeke se tokein ya wah aur zyada koshish kare. Maqsad yeh hai ki yaad rakhne ka kaam aapke sir se nikalkar aise saajha intezaamon mein chala jaaye jin par aap bharosa karte hain.
Sabse mazboot madad koi bhaashan ya behtar karne ka vaada nahi hai. Yeh hai bojh ko apne andar se nikaalkar baahar rakh dena: yaad dilaane wali baatein, taareekhein aur ghar ke kaam ek saajha intezaam mein daal dijiye, taaki yeh kaam aapki yaaddaasht aur aapki awaaz ki jagah wah intezaam kare. Ek saajha calendar jise aap dono dekhte hon. Phone par ve reminder jo wah khud lagaata hai, ve nahi jo aapki taraf se aate hain. Tokne ka kaam intezaam ko karne dijiye, taaki aap phir se patni ban sakein, manager nahi.
Ek mushkil maheene ke baad Anjali aur Rohan ne kuch alag karke dekha. Ek itwaar ko ve baithe aur ghar chalaane ka kaam is hisaab se baanta ki asal mein kaun kis cheez mein accha hai. Rohan, jo mushkil waqt mein bahut kaam aate hain aur dheeme-dheeme chalne wale kaagzi kaamon mein bilkul nahi chalte, unhone khaana banaana aur bacchon ko school chhodna-laana le liya. Bill Anjali ke paas hi rahe, jo waise bhi unhein aasaani se sambhaal leti thi. Unhone dono phone mein ek saajha calendar daala, aur Rohan ne apne reminder khud lagaaye. Yeh koi jaadu nahi tha. Par ladaiyaan kam ho gayin, kyunki ab yaad rakhne ka kaam fridge kar raha tha, Anjali nahi.
Kuch hi kadam zyadatar wazan uthaate hain. Ghar ke kaam is hisaab se baantiye ki kaun kis cheez mein accha hai, na ki is hisaab se ki pehle kiski nazar padti hai. Yeh tay kijiye ki yaad dilaane ka kaam phone kare, aap nahi. Aur acche palon ki hifaazat kijiye: jab wah sach mein koi kaam poora kare, to us par gaur kijiye aur zor se kahiye, kyunki taareef se jitna banta hai shikaayat se utna kabhi nahi banta, aur ADHD wala man jise zyadatar shikaayatein hi sunne ko milein, wah dheere-dheere koshish karna chhod deta hai.
Yaad rakhiye
Tokiye nahi, baahar rakhiye. Har baar jab aap use yaad dilaane waale hon, pehle khud se poochiye ki kya yeh kaam aapki jagah koi calendar, koi alarm, ya koi list kar sakti hai. Maqsad yeh hai ki yaad dilaane wali baatein aapke munh se kam aayein aur us intezaam se zyada jo aapne saath milkar banaaya hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Ek hi saajha intezaam se shuru kijiye, paanch se nahi. Agar aap ek hi weekend mein poora ghar theek karne ki koshish karenge, to aap dono thak jaayenge aur budhwaar tak chupchaap use chhod denge. Wah ek cheez chuniye jo sabse zyada chubhti hai, paise, ya subah ka waqt, ya ghar-parivar ke karyakram, aur sirf usi ke aaspaas ek chhota intezaam banaaiye. Agla jodne se pehle use do hafte chalne dijiye. Aur jab wah madad kare, to zor se kahiye. "Yeh sambhaal lene ke liye shukriya, isse mera din aasaan ho gaya", yeh ek baat kisi bhi yaad dilaane wali baat se kahin zyada rishta dobara jodti hai.
Baar-baar hone wali koi ek ladai chuniye, jaise koi bill jo har baar chhoot jaata hai. Is hafte, use yaad dilaane ki jagah, saath milkar uske liye ek saajha intezaam bana dijiye, koi calendar alert ya auto-payment, aur wah kaam usi intezaam ko de dijiye. Dhyaan dijiye ki yaad rakhne ka kaam kisi aisi cheez ko saunpna kaisa lagta hai jo aap nahi hain.
Aapki apni zindagi bhi maayne rakhti hai
Aap usse pyaar bhi kar sakte hain aur phir bhi thake hue ho sakte hain. Yeh thakan aur yeh chidh, dono sacchi hain, aur apna khyaal rakhna swaarth nahi hai. Yahi wah cheez hai jo aapko maa-baap ki jagah ek saathi banaaye rakhti hai.
Jin saathiyon ko ADHD wale pati ya patni ke liye poora ghar sambhaalna padta hai, ve aksar dekhbhaal karne wale ki bhoomika mein aa jaate hain, aur wah bojh bhaari hai aur saccha hai. Aapka thaka hona bilkul jaayaz hai. Yeh chaahna bhi bilkul jaayaz hai ki aapki zindagi kisi aur ki zindagi sambhaalne se kahin zyada ho. Aapki apni sehat is shaadi ki koi chhoti si shart nahi hai. Yahi un cheezon mein se ek hai jo is shaadi ko zinda rakhti hai.
Isse nikalne ka raasta yeh nahi hai ki aap ise aur bhi chupchaap dhone lagein. Jo log ise sabse acche se sambhaalte hain, ve ise saath milkar sambhaalte hain: ve ADHD ke baare mein ek jode ki tarah seekhte hain, ve munaasib hadein tay karte hain, aur ek insaan ke chupchaap sab kuch thaame rehne ki jagah ve saajha pul banaate hain. Had tay karna berukhi nahi hai. "Cheezein yaad rakhne ka kaam akele mera nahi hoga" ek munaasib had hai, aur ek zyada baraabari wali shaadi aksar usi ke doosri taraf se shuru hoti hai.
Saajha parivar mein bojh kai guna badh jaata hai. Rishtedaar aap par ummeedon ka dher laga sakte hain, aap use kaise sambhaalte hain is par dosh de sakte hain, ya aapke ghar ki tulna doosron se kar sakte hain. Aapko har baatcheet jeetni zaroori nahi hai. Ek chhoti, sthir baat kaam aati hai: "Hum is par saath milkar kaam kar rahe hain, apne tareeke se." Phir apni zindagi ka ek kona bas apna rakhiye, koi dost, koi sair, koi aisi cheez jo aap sirf apne liye karte hain.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Koi ek insaan dhoondhiye jo aapke saath ho, koi behen, koi dost, koi aur saathi jo yeh samajhta ho. Mushkil baat ko kisi aise ke saamne zor se kehna jo aapko aankta nahi, aapki chhaati se bojh halka kar deta hai. Chidh chuppi mein badhti hai, aur akelaapan bhi, aur ek baar aap ise poori tarah akele dhona band kar dein, to dono zyada der nahi tikte. Apna khyaal rakhna uske saath koi dhokha nahi hai. Ek aaraam paaya hua, zyada sthir aap, is shaadi ke paas sabse acchi cheez hai.
Is hafte, koi ek cheez chuniye jo sirf aapke liye ho, kisi kitaab ke saath aadha ghanta, kisi dost ko phone, phone ke bina ek sair, aur use bina kisi apraadhbodh ya maafi ke lijiye. Dhyaan dijiye ki ghar bikhar nahi jaata, aur yeh ki aap jitne dheeraj ke saath gaye the usse thoda zyada dheeraj lekar lautte hain.
Do log, ek yojna
Aapko ise akele hal nahi karna hai, aur aisa hona bhi nahi chaahiye. Sabse mazboot yojnaayein ADHD ko aisi cheez maanti hain jis par joda saath milkar kaam karta hai, aur jis saathi ko yeh hai uske liye kisi doctor ki madad ke saath.
Sabse acche nateeje tab aate hain jab kai cheezein ek saath kaam karein: uski apni jaanch aur ilaaj, ADHD ke baare mein ek jode ki tarah seekhna, aur ve saajha intezaam jo aap ghar par banaate hain. Koi ek hissa akele yeh sab nahi uthaata, aur yeh sab aapko akele jodkar khada bhi nahi karna hai. Jodon ke liye therapy, ya bas kisi aise insaan ke saath milkar baithna jo ADHD ko samajhta ho, aapko maa-baap aur bacche wali patri se hatakar wapas ek team bana sakta hai. Madad maangna is baat ki nishaani nahi hai ki aapki shaadi naakaam ho gayi. Yahi wah tareeka hai jisse mazboot shaadiyaan aur mazboot hoti hain.
Aapke saath
Agar yeh bojh kabhi is had tak pahunch jaaye ki lage "ab mujhse yeh aur nahi hota", to wah ehsaas bahut logon ko hota hai aur us tak madad pahunch sakti hai, wah aapki shaadi par sunaaya gaya koi faisla nahi hai. Neeche diye sankat card mein aise log hain jinse aap kisi bhi waqt baat kar sakte hain, aapke liye bhi aur unke liye bhi.
Dawa ke baare mein kya? Kuch bade logon ke liye, jab mushkilein kaafi badi hon, to koi dawa jis par koi doctor vichaar kar sakte hain, dhyaan lagaana aur shuru kiya kaam poora karna aasaan bana sakti hai. Yeh faisla wah kisi doctor ke saath milkar leta hai, har maamle mein alag-alag taula gaya, un rozmarra ke intezaamon aur jodon ke liye kisi bhi therapy ke saath-saath, kabhi koi apne aap uthne wala kadam nahi aur kabhi poora jawab nahi. Ek accha doctor ise ek badi yojna ke ek hisse ki tarah dekhta hai, aur samay ke saath iski dobara jaanch karta hai.
Yaad rakhiye
Madad tab sabse accha kaam karti hai jab wah aap dono tak pahunche. Uska ilaaj lakshanon ko halka karta hai; ADHD ke baare mein saath milkar seekhna shaadi ko halka karta hai. Ek ke bina doosra aadha hi kaam karta hai. Aap uske ilaaj mein sirf saath chal rahe koi musaafir nahi hain, aur wah koi mareez nahi hai jise aap sambhaalte hain. Aap do log hain jo ek yojna bana rahe hain.
Wahi saathi jo chhoti-chhoti cheezein bhool jaata hai, wahi badi cheezon ke liye poore man se haazir rehne wala insaan bhi ban sakta hai, ek baar jab aap ek-doosre se ladna band karke saath milkar ADHD ka saamna karna shuru kar dein.
Aaj raat, kisi ek cheez ka naam lijiye jo aapke saathi ne aaj acchi ki, chaahe wah kitni bhi chhoti ho, aur use zor se usse kahiye. Phir ek cheez likh lijiye jo aap kisi doctor ya jodon ki therapy karne wale kisi therapist se ADHD ke baare mein poochna chaahenge. Use apne phone mein rakhiye. Do chhote kadam, ek ek-doosre ki taraf aur ek madad ki taraf, yahi wah tareeka hai jisse lamba raasta shuru hota hai.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Aur padhne ke liye
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.