Maa-baap ki guide
NeurodivergenceAapka bachcha aur ADHD
Us maa-baap ke liye ek garm guide jiska bachcha tik kar baith, intezaar kar ya shuru nahi kar paata, aur wo chhote kadam jo saza se kahin zyada kaam aate hain.
Wohi ladai, har shaam
Agar homework, subahein aur khaane ka waqt roz ki jung ban gaye hain, to na aap bure maata-pita hain aur na aapka bachcha bura bachcha hai. Kuch asli chal raha hai, aur uska ek naam hai.
Aapne usse sau baar kaha hai ki baithkar apna kaam poora kar le. Woh shuru karta hai, phir uth khada hota hai, phir kahin aur hota hai. Aapki aawaz oonchi ho jaati hai. Woh ro deta hai, ya chup ho jaata hai, aur ek ghante baad phir wohi sab hota hai. Sone ke waqt tak aap dono ko lagta hai ki aap naakam rahe.
Bahut saare bachchon ko ek jagah tikkar baithna, apni baari ka intezaar karna, ya kisi feeki cheez par dhyaan tikaye rakhna mushkil lagta hai. Kuch bachchon mein yeh apni umar ke doosre bachchon ke muqable kahin zyaada tez hota hai aur kahin zyaada lambe samay tak chalta hai, ghar par bhi aur school mein bhi. Jab wohi mushkil har jagah, har din dikhe, to woh samajhne laayak hai, sirf saza dene laayak nahi.
Is pattern ka ek naam hai. ADHD bachpan ki ek aam sthiti hai, aur lagbhag har sau mein se paanch bachche iske saath jeete hain. Sirf ek doctor hi pakke taur par bata sakte hain ki aapke bachche ko yeh hai ya nahi. Yeh kitaab aapke bachche par woh label nahi lagayegi. Yeh aapko uske vyavhaar ko saaf dekhne mein madad karegi, aur aise jawab dene mein jo sachmuch kaam karta hai.
Meera ka ek beta hai, Aarav, aath saal ka. Woh samajhdaar bhi hai aur achche dil ka bhi. Apne blocks se woh ghanton kuch na kuch banata rehta hai. Par use school ki copy lekar baithne ko kahiye, aur do minute ke andar woh ungliyaan baja raha hota hai, ghoom raha hota hai, kahin aur pahunch chuka hota hai. Uski teacher kehti hain ki woh bina pooche jawab bol deta hai aur apna saamaan bhool jaata hai. Meera ne sticker chart aazmaye, daanta, aur apni sabse buri raaton mein aapa khokar baad mein khud se nafrat bhi ki. Kuch bhi tikta nahi. Usne chupchaap yeh sochna shuru kar diya hai ki kahin woh ek buri maa to nahi hai.
Woh nahi hai. Meera ghar par jo dekh rahi hai, teacher school mein theek wohi dekh rahi hain, aur yehi sabse bada suraag hai. Jo bachcha sambhal sakta hai, woh kahin na kahin to sambhalta hi hai. Jo bachcha har kamre mein, har waqt joojhta hai, woh aapko yeh bata raha hai ki uska dhyaan kis tarah bana hai, na ki yeh ki use kitna pyaar ya kitni seekh mili hai.
Do din tak bas dekhiye, bina toke. Gaur kijiye ki mushkil kab sabse zyaada hoti hai, subah, homework, ya khaane ke waqt, aur aapka bachcha kab halka aur khush rehta hai. Aap abhi kuch theek nahi kar rahe. Aap uska pattern samajh rahe hain.
Banaawat ka farak, zid nahi
ADHD dimaag ke dhyaan aur khud par kaabu rakhne ke tareeke mein ek farak hai. Yeh na galat parvarish hai, na zyaada screen, na zyaada meetha, aur na aapka bachcha jaan-boojh kar shararat kar raha hai.
Ab woh baat, jis par yakeen aate hi sab kuch badal jaata hai. ADHD wale bachche ke dimaag mein dhyaan lagane, achanak uthe mann ko rokne, aur khud par kaabu rakhne ka kaam alag tarah se chalta hai. Isliye uske vyavhaar ka bada hissa "nahi kar paata" hai, "nahi karna chahta" nahi. Woh aapko chidhane ke liye tikkar baithne se mana nahi kar raha. Jis brake se doosre bachche rukte hain, intezaar karte hain aur koi feeka kaam shuru karte hain, woh brake uske paas der se aur kamzor hokar pahunchta hai.
Aur yeh aapki galti bhi nahi hai. ADHD parivaaron mein kaafi mazbooti se chalta hai, aur yeh parvarish, khaan-paan, meethe, screen ke waqt, ya anushaasan ki kami se nahi hota. Agar bachpan mein aapko bhi bikhra hua ya bechain kaha jaata tha, to yeh ittefaq nahi hai; yeh aksar ek peedhi se doosri tak jaata hai. ADHD sehat se judi ek maani hui sthiti hai, na ki galat parvarish ya aalas ka nateeja.
Jis din main samjhi ki uska dimaag shuru nahi kar paata, yeh nahi ki woh karna nahi chahta, usi din maine apne hi bete se ladna chhod diya.
Meera, aath saal ke Aarav ki maa
Yehi wajah hai ki akeli saza baar-baar naakam hoti hai. Daant aur maar us bachche par dabaav daalti hai jo pehle se hi khud par bharose ke saath kaabu nahi rakh paata, isliye ve dar aur sharm to badha deti hain, par jo hunar kam hai use bana nahi paatin. Bachcha yeh maanne lagta hai ki woh bura hai. Aap thakkar choor ho jaate hain. Badalta kuch nahi.
Hamare kai gharon mein faisla jhat se suna diya jaata hai: bachcha bigad gaya hai, aap bahut dheele hain, pados ke bachche ko dekhiye. Woh faisla galat hai, aur woh bhaari bhi hai. Yeh vyavhaar anushaasan ki koi chook nahi hai jo kisi sakht haath ka intezaar kar rahi ho. Yeh dimaag ki banaawat ka ek farak hai jo sahi sahare ka intezaar kar raha hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Iska yeh matlab bilkul nahi ki niyam hi na hon. ADHD wale bachche ko dhaancha doosre bachchon se bhi zyaada chahiye, bas use dene ka tareeka alag hota hai: zyaada garmjoshi, chhote kadam, zyaada yaad dilana, aur aise nateeje jo shaant hon aur pehle se tay hon, na ki gusse wale aur achanak. Aage ke hisse aapko theek-theek batate hain ki yeh kaise karna hai. Yahaan baat sirf itni hai: "woh bura ban raha hai" se nahi, "uska dimaag alag tarah se kaam karta hai" se shuruaat kijiye, aur uske baad aap jo bhi karenge woh kahin behtar baithega.
Agli baar jab aapke mann mein yeh aaye ki "woh jaan-boojh kar aisa kar raha hai", to khud ko pakadiye. Uski jagah rakhiye: "Abhi uska shuru karne ka sanket kamzor hai." Gaur kijiye ki kya aapka apna shareer thoda naram padta hai. Ek shaant maata ya pita aadhi madad to pehle hi hain.
Rozmarra ke ve kadam jo kaam karte hain
Sabse mazboot madad na koi bhaashan hai, na koi saza. Yeh parvarish ke mutthi bhar chhote kadam hain, jinhein shaanti se aur baar-baar dohraya jaata hai.
Maata-pita ko ye hunar sikhane wale kaaryakram bachpan ke ADHD mein sujhaya gaya pehla kadam hain, jo kisi bhi dawa se pehle ya uske saath-saath sujhaye jaate hain, khaaskar chhote bachchon ke liye. Aapko bas kuch hi kadam chahiye, baar-baar dohraye hue. Garmjoshi aur dhaancha, ye dono milkar ichchhashakti aur daant ko har baar peechhe chhod dete hain.
- Ek chhoti, saaf baat kahiye, uski aankhon ke baraabar aakar, na ki kamre ke us paar se paanch baatein.
- Use achcha karte hue pakadiye, aur jis pal woh ho, usi pal zor se uski tareef kijiye.
- Roz ka dharra ek jaisa rakhiye, aur jab-tab wala tareeka apnaiye: jab joote pehan liye, tab hum khelenge.
- Jab koi niyam toote, to shaant aur sthir rahiye; wohi ek chhota nateeja, har baar.
Asal mein kaam karne wali cheezein aasaan hain: saaf aur chhoti baatein, soch-samajhkar ki gayi tareef aur achche vyavhaar ko pakadna, roz ka ek jaisa dharra, aur aise nateeje jo shaant hon aur har baar ek jaise. Jab maata-pita ye cheezein zyaada karte hain, aur maata-pita aur bachche ke beech ki garmjoshi badhti hai, to bachche ka vyavhaar behtar hota hai.
Roz ki ladaiyon ke liye ek aur kadam sabse zyaada maayne rakhta hai: shuruaat ko sahara dijiye. ADHD wala bachcha bade dikhne wale kaam ke saamne hi haar maan sakta hai, isliye kaam ko chhota kijiye. "Homework kar lo" ek pahaad hai. "Kitaab kholo aur taareekh likho" woh kadam hai jo woh utha sakta hai. Phir us kadam ki tareef kijiye. Phir agle ki.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Shuruaat ke liye inmein se bas ek ya do chuniye. Agar aap ek hi baar mein sab kuch badalne ki koshish karenge, to aap bhi thak jaayenge aur woh bhi. Tareef yahaan sabse sasta aur sabse taaqatwar auzaar hai, aur thake hue, kheejhe hue maata-pita sabse pehle usi ko chhod dete hain. Koshish yeh ho ki har ek tokne ke badle paanch chhoti achchi baatein pakdi jaayein. Shuru mein yeh ajeeb lagta hai. Kuch hi hafton mein yeh poore ghar ka maahaul badal deta hai.
Yaad rakhiye
Sirf poore hue nateeje ki nahi, koshish aur uthaye gaye kadam ki tareef kijiye. "Tumne mere kahe bina shuru kar diya, shaabaash" yeh theek wohi hunar sikhata hai jo uske dimaag ko sabse mushkil lagta hai. Koshish ko dekhiye, aur jab bhi ho sake, use zor se kahiye.
Roz ki koi ek bhadakne wali ghadi chuniye, maan lijiye homework. Uske pehle kadam ko do minute ke ek chhote kadam mein badliye, sirf utna hi maangiye, aur jaise hi woh kare, garmjoshi se uski tareef kijiye. Yeh tay karne se pehle ki yeh kaam karta hai ya nahi, ise ek hafta aazmaiye.
School ko apne saath laana
ADHD wala bachcha jaagte hue din ka aadha hissa classroom mein bitata hai, isliye teacher aapki sabse zaroori saathi hain. School mein chhote aur wajib badlaav sachmuch farak laate hain.
Aapko school se visheshagya hone ki ummeed nahi rakhni hai. Aapko bas unka saath chahiye. Teacher jo aasaan badlaav kar sakte hain, jaise saaf dharra, chhote-chhote kaam, aage ki aur khidki se door wali seat, aur roz ghar ke liye ek chhoti-si chitthi, inse class mein bachche ki mushkilein kam hoti hain, aur ye tab sabse achcha kaam karte hain jab teacher aur maata-pita ka aapas mein lagataar sampark bana rahe.
Saathi bankar jaaiye, ilzaam lagane wale bankar nahi. Zyaadatar teacher madad karna chahte hain, bas unhein yeh samajh aa jaaye ki yeh dimaag ki banaawat ka farak hai, anushaasan ki samasya nahi, aur is baat ki nishani bhi nahi ki aap ghar par naakam rahe hain.
Jab Meera Aarav ki teacher se mili, to usne shikaayaton se shuru nahi kiya. Usne kaha, "Use baithkar shuru karna bahut mushkil lagta hai, aur hum ghar par is par kaam kar rahe hain. Kya hum saath milkar kuch cheezein aazma sakte hain?" Dono is par raazi hue ki aage ki seat milegi, kaam chhote tukdon mein milega, aur har din uski diary mein ek line likhi jaayegi, achchi ho ya buri. Ek maheene ke andar diary mein bure dinon se zyaada achche din the. Aarav ko yakeen hone laga ki woh bhi ek "achcha chhaatra" ho sakta hai.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Ek chhoti-si baatcheet maangiye, koi lambi aupchaarik meeting nahi, aur das cheezon ki list ke bajaye ek ya do thos baatein lekar jaaiye. Bataiye ki ghar par kya kaam kar raha hai taaki teacher wohi school mein dohra saken, aur poochiye ki class mein kya kaam karta hai taaki aap use ghar par dohra saken. Roz ki ek saajha chitthi, chahe ek hi line ki ho, aap dono ko sahi raaste par rakhti hai, aur aapko yeh mauka deti hai ki bachche ke ghar pahunchte hi aap uske achche school-din ki tareef kar sakein.
Ve teen cheezein likhiye jo aapke bachche ko school mein sabse mushkil lagti hain. Unmein se woh ek chhota badlaav chuniye jo sabse zyaada madad karega, aur pehle teacher se bas wohi ek cheez maangiye. Ek jeet agli jeet ke liye saath ki neev rakh deti hai.
Aap naakam nahi ho rahe
ADHD wale bachche ko paalna sachmuch mushkil hai, aur jo apraadh-bodh aur thakan aap dho rahe hain, woh asli hai. Apna khyaal rakhna swaarth nahi hai; yeh aapke bachche ki madad ka hi hissa hai.
ADHD wale bachchon ke maata-pita bhaari tanaav, apraadh-bodh aur khud ko dosh dene ka bojh uthate hain, aur yeh tanaav is baat se gehre juda hota hai ki bachche ki mushkilein kitni tez hain. Yaani thaka hua mehsoos karne se aap kamzor nahi ho jaate. Aap ek sachmuch bhaari haalat par bilkul saamaanya tareeke se jawab de rahe hain. Maata-pita ko sahara dena bachche ke ilaaj ka hissa hai, oopar se jodi gayi koi aisho-aaram ki cheez nahi.
Yeh bhi yaad rakhiye ki ADHD parivaaron mein chalta hai. Kabhi-kabhi aisi koi kitaab padhte hue maata ya pita ko in pannon mein apna hi bachpan dikh jaata hai. Agar roz ka dharra sambhaalna aur dheeraj rakhna aapko kuch zyaada hi mushkil lagta hai, to ho sakta hai yeh wohi banaawat ho, koi charitra ki kami nahi. Khud ke saath utni hi narmi bartiye jitni aap apne bachche ke saath bartna seekh rahe hain.
Sanyukt parivaar mein dabaav kai guna badh jaata hai. Rishtedaar aapki parvarish ko dosh de sakte hain, aapke bachche ki tulna chachere-mamere bhai-behnon se kar sakte hain, ya zor dekar keh sakte hain ki bas thodi sakhti ki zaroorat hai. Ye baatein sach nahi hain, aur aapko har behes jeetni bhi nahi hai. Ek chhoti, sthir baat kaam aati hai: "Doctor ismein hamari madad kar rahe hain, aur hum ek yojna par chal rahe hain."
Aur jaanna chahein to
Ek aisa insaan dhoondhiye jo poori tarah aapke saath ho, aapka jeevansaathi, behen, koi dost, ya koi aur maata ya pita jo yeh sab samajhta ho. Mushkil hissa kisi aise ke saamne zor se kehna jo faisla nahi sunata, bojh thoda halka kar deta hai. Sharm chuppi mein panapti hai. Akelapan bhi. Jaise hi yeh sab aap bilkul akele uthana band karte hain, dono mein se koi zyaada der tikta nahi.
Aapke saath
Sabse buri shaamon mein, jab aap chilla chuke hon, phir bathroom mein jaakar ro chuke hon, aur khud ko duniya ke sabse bure maata-pita jaisa mehsoos kar rahe hon, yeh baat saaf-saaf sun lijiye: jo maa apne bachche ko samajhne ke liye poori kitaab padh rahi hai, woh naakam nahi ho rahi. Woh uske liye lad rahi hai. Woh aap hain.
Aaj raat, ek cheez ka naam lijiye jo aapne aaj maata ya pita ke taur par achchi ki, chahe woh kitni hi chhoti ho. Aap ek baar shaant reh gaye. Aapne ek achche pal ki tareef ki. Sone se pehle ise khud se kahiye. Ek hafte tak aisa kijiye aur dekhiye ki aapke sir ke andar ki aawaz kaise naram hoti jaati hai.
Ek doctor kya de sakte hain
Yeh sab aapko akele suljhana nahi hai. Ek doctor aapke bachche ka theek se aakalan kar sakte hain aur aapke saath milkar ek yojna bana sakte hain, aur jaldi haath badhane se raaste zyaada khulte hain.
School jaane ki umar wale ADHD wale bachche ke liye sabse mazboot yojnaayein kai hisson ko ek saath jodti hain: ghar par aapki or se vyavhaar ka sahara, school mein wajib badlaav, aur kisi doctor ya visheshagya ki or se samay-samay par jaanch. Koi ek hissa akele yeh kaam nahi karta, aur aapse yeh ummeed bhi nahi hai ki aap yeh sab akele jod lein. Ek theek se kiya gaya aakalan doosri baaton ko shaamil bhi kar sakta hai aur hata bhi sakta hai, aur isse school ko madad karne ki ek saaf wajah mil jaati hai.
Jaldi haath badhana maayne rakhta hai, kyunki jaankari ki kami aur badnaami ka dar, yaani yeh maan lena ki yeh bas galat parvarish ya anushaasan ki samasya hai, ve badi wajhein hain jinse parivaar bahut der tak ruke rehte hain.[^c11] Madad maangna naakami kabool karna nahi hai. Yeh uska theek ulta hai.
Aur dawa ka kya? School jaane ki umar ke kuch bachchon ke liye, jab mushkilein kaafi badi hon aur baaki sahare kam pad rahe hon, to dawa ek vikalp hai jis par doctor soch sakte hain. Yeh ilaaj se juda ek faisla hai, jo aapke parivaar ke saath milkar har maamle mein alag se liya jaata hai, na yeh apne aap uthne wala kadam hai aur na hi ikalauta raasta. Ek achche doctor ise aapke saath dhyaan se taulte hain, ghar aur school ke sahare ke saath-saath, aur samay ke saath iski jaanch karte rehte hain.
Yaad rakhiye
Ek achche visheshagya bas ek goli thamakar nahi chale jaate. Ve poore bachche ko dekhte hain: neend, school, dosti, mann ka haal, aur parivaar. Yojna ek baatcheet hai jo samay ke saath badalti rehti hai, ek baar ka faisla nahi. Har faisle mein aap shaamil rehte hain.
Aur jaanna chahein to
Pehli mulaqat se pehle aapke paas har jawab hona zaroori nahi hai. Aapne jo dekha hai, wohi lekar jaaiye: vyavhaar kab sabse mushkil hota hai, teacher kya batati hain, kis cheez se thodi madad hui aur kisse nahi. Visheshagya ko theek yehi jaankari chahiye. Gaur ki gayi baaton ki ek copy lekar jaana ek daraawni mulaqat ko saath milkar kiye jaane wale kaam mein badal deta hai.
Jo bachcha aaj ek jagah tikkar nahi baith paata, woh bhi aage chalkar kuch bahut khaas kar sakta hai, bas use saza nahi, samajh mile.
Ve do ya teen baatein likhiye jo aapko sabse zyaada chinta mein daalti hain, har ek ke saath ek sachcha udaaharan bhi. Yeh list apne phone mein rakhiye. Iska taiyaar hona pehli mulaqat ko kahin zyaada shaant aur kahin zyaada kaam ki bana deta hai.
Yeh jaankari kahan se hai
Yeh guide samajhne mein madad karti hai. Yeh nidaan nahin hai. Uske liye doctor se milein.