A minute before you respond

A minute before you respond. This track is for parents and carers. It is for the minute between something a child has done and what you do about it. The plate is thrown, or the thing is said. This is the minute before you answer. Stay where you are, or step into the next room if you can. Eyes open.

Feet on the floor.

Breathe out, long and slow.

Again.

Notice the heat in the face, or the tightness in the chest. That is your body, not the child's. Yours to settle, not theirs.

Let the jaw loosen. Let the hands open.

One more breath out.

Now ask one question, in your head: what does the child need right now? Not what they deserve. It may be a limit, said calmly. It may be a hug. It may be food, or sleep, or ten minutes alone. Often it is not the first thing that came to mind.

Whatever you choose, say it in a quieter voice than you were going to. The quieter voice is usually heard better.

Breathe out. Then go back.