The kind, steady voice

The kind, steady voice. Most of us have more than one voice inside. There is a voice that criticises. It says you should have known better, that you are too much, or not enough. There is a part that feels small and hurt when that voice speaks, the part that feels the way you did as a child when something went wrong. And there is another voice, quieter, that most people use easily with others and rarely with themselves. The calm, steady, caring one. The one you would use with a friend who was struggling, or with a frightened child. This practice is about finding that voice and turning it towards yourself.

If at any point this brings up more feeling than you want right now, open your eyes, look around the room, and breathe. You can come back to it another day. There is no rush.

Sit or lie comfortably. Let the eyes close or soften. Take a few slow breaths.

Now, bring to mind a recent moment when you felt small. Not the worst moment of your life. A smaller one. A time you felt ashamed, or left out, or scared, or not good enough. Maybe someone said something. Maybe you made a mistake. Maybe no one noticed you at all.

Picture that moment. Where were you? What happened?

Now notice the part of you that was hurting in that moment. The feeling in the chest or the stomach. The urge to hide, or to cry, or to go quiet. Many people find that this part feels younger than they are. Like a child, or a teenager. See if you can picture that younger you, the one who was hurting. How old do they look? What are they doing? Where are they sitting or standing?

Look at them for a moment. Without judging. Without telling them to get over it.

Now, bring in the other part of you. The grown-up. The one who is calm and steady and kind. You know this part. It is the part that helps a friend at two in the morning. The part that knows how to speak to a child who is crying. The part that has got you through hard things before, even when it did not feel like it was there.

Picture that grown-up part of you walking into the scene and sitting down next to the younger one. Close enough to be felt. Not too close.

The grown-up does not lecture. Does not say you are overreacting. Does not say pull yourself together. The grown-up sits, and looks at the younger one, and sees what they are feeling.

What does the younger one need to hear right now? Let the words come. They are usually simple. Something like: I see that you are hurt. Or: that was not your fault. Or: you are not too much. Or: I am here, and I am not going anywhere.

Let the grown-up say it. In your head, in your own words, in a kind and steady voice.

Notice how the younger one responds. Maybe they relax a little. Maybe they do not believe it yet. That is all right. The grown-up is patient. Say it again, if it helps.

If the critical voice shows up now and says this is silly, or that you do not deserve this, notice it. The grown-up can hear it and say, gently: not now. Then turn back to the younger one.

Is there anything the younger one needs? A hand on the shoulder. A blanket. Someone to stand between them and whatever hurt them. Let the grown-up give it.

Stay with this picture for a while. The two of you, together. The hurt part and the steady part, in the same place at the same time.

Now let the grown-up tell the younger one that they can come back. That this is not a one-time visit. That when the small, hurt feeling comes again, there is a voice in you that knows how to meet it.

Take a slow breath.

Let the picture fade gently. Notice the weight of your body on the chair or the bed. Notice the sounds of the room.

Before you open your eyes, say one kind thing to yourself, in that steady voice, about how you did just now.

Open your eyes when you are ready.

If you are in danger or feel you cannot keep yourself safe, call your Weave clinician, or Tele-MANAS on one four four one six, any time.